I once was blind, but now I see

So on our early morning ride to the airport Monday morning, Amazing Grace by Leann Rimes came on the radio. As I listened to the words, I realized that upon arriving in Uganda innocence shaded my gaze, but in that departing moment I realized that I was beginning to see. I wept as the flood of memories came back of the people and their impact on my life in just the short 6 weeks. I am not sure yet how to describe what it was I saw, but I know my heart has seen it. I wrote this post as the plane took off from Entebbe. I am pretty sure the flight attendants thought I was a baby, but I am so thankful for the other teachers as we came together during this emotional flight to London. Love you all!

I once was blind, but now I see.

I saw it in the gentle hands of Evelyn,

I saw it in the watch full eye of Michael,

I saw it in the early breakfast hours with Carol

I saw it in the love Denish has for his munu brother and sister,

I saw it in the hands and the feet of the hardworking people traveling the airfield road each morning,

I saw it in the beauty of the Acholi soil,

I saw it in porridge with Patrick Joska and the other students,

I saw it in the early morning sunrises on the road to Keyo,

I saw it in the village women both in the field hoe in hand and on their knees washing my hands before a meal,

I saw it in the loving embrace the Reverend Zachariah has for his family, school children and us,

I saw it in wisdom of knowledge of Alex and Silvio,

I saw it in the loving care Mzee has for his family members,

I saw it in the tears Angeline shed our last day,

I saw it in the son of Grace

I saw it in the welcoming greeting of each staff and faculty member of Keyo SS,

I saw it in the laughs and smiles of my students at Keyo SS,

I saw it in the strength of the men, women and children working in the rock quarry,

I saw it in the song and worship of the members of the Gulu branch,

I saw it in the smile and visage of Richard

I saw it in the longing anguish of Richard’s parents,

I saw it in the multitudes of boda drivers,

I saw it in the eyes of the war affected citizens of the Northern Uganda,

I saw it in the numberless children calling out “munu bye,”

I saw it in the faces of the hundreds of orphan children at Mama T’s and St. Judes,

I saw it in the employees of Invisible Children

I saw it in the caliber of the other North Americans I was able to teach with

I saw it in their homes,

I saw it in their markets,

I saw it in their streets,

Even though my mind does not quite understand what it is I saw, my heart is full and has complete understanding. I am changed. I have a renewed found-ness in my life. My testimony of God’s greatness has received new light in my gaze. I’ll forever be a bettered person because of my experiences with the Acholi people.

As I arrived in Uganda, innocence blinded by understanding of what lied ahead, but now leaving I see God’s love and grace embracing the Acholi people. May God bless them till we meet again.

Speaker Richard

So, I know this one is incredibly long, but I needed to include details for my own purposes...please bear with me.

It is the beginning of my last week here in Uganda, and I can already tell that it is going to be so hard to leave this country and the Acholi people. Tonight I had a very sobering experience. I have made mention of a certain Richard at Keyo. He is the newly elected speaker and a great student. He was one of the first students to come up to me and greet me my first week at Keyo. Anyhow, last week I made mention that I would like to visit him at home and meet his family. At the time I did not have any idea the profound influence the event would have on my experience here in Uganda. Since we traveled to Murchison Falls this past weekend I was not able to visit him on the weekend when he would be home in Gulu town. We decided that we would travel home and meet me tonight, Monday evening, at his home. As soon as I arrived I could see that conditions were not well at his home. Their hut we loosing its mud and had not been redone for quite some time, the garden did not look healthy and even his father and mother were appeared to be very weak. His mother couldn’t be much older than forty some, but she had the appearance of something like seventy. His father appeared to be a bit older, but the hard work which he has completed in his life has also added twenty some years. There are six children in his family, but I was only able to meet two others. His younger brother Francis and hi youngest sister Grace. Francis is thirteen and unable to attend school because the family is not able to afford to send him. Grace is only 2 years old.

We sat outside and visited for a while. I was able to learn more about his family and also his school situation. I learned that his oldest brother is living in their village and working in their fields. They raise cassava and beans. This brother was abducted by the LRA when he was only sixteen. Thankfully he was able to escape a few weeks after being abducted. Richard said he told him that he was mostly used as a messenger boy, but was required to kill some people. When Richard was eleven he and two of his brothers were sick with the measles. His younger brother, who was five at the time, did not survive. He has another sibling that died before he was born, but because of their traditions he has not been told the cause of death for that one. I do not know much more about his other family members besides that most of them have not been able to complete schooling. His mother did not attend school, but his father was able to complete some schooling. I would have liked to get to know his father a bit more, but he did not talk much. I asked if it would be okay to take a picture of his family and he agreed that it would be okay. He told his father and mother and they entered inside the hut. I noticed that they were changing their clothes. I did not expect this, but respected their humility and desire to look their best even though the clothes they changed into did not appear to be any different. Although they do not normally smile in pictures, I was able to see each of them smile during my visit and they each have the same smile as their father. When the Acholi people smile, it is as if a light is turning on inside of them. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

I asked Richard how his day at school went and he said, “not well.” I figured because they were testing that the test did not go well, but learned that he almost was kicked out of school today. He has only been at Keyo this term and had not yet been able to pay his school fees. They were starting their midterms today and if hey were not current on their fees they would not be able to sit the exam and kicked out of school. I am not sure where he got it, but he was able to pay something like 90,000 schillings today and remain in school long enough to sit the midterm exams. If h doesn’t pay the balance soon, he will not be able to stay for the rest of the term. The total cost for A-level (senior 5 and 6) is 127,000 schillings/term.

Normally Richard would ride his bicycle back and forth from Keyo to home, but because of the late exam today he would not have made it back on time to meet me and so he had taken a boda. When learned of that I was very upset because I know that it would have costed him something like 5,000 schillings to come home. I didn’t say anything to him at the moment, but I knew I couldn’t allow him to pay for his boda back to Keyo. He made mention that he needed to return back to Keyo soon to study for his exams tomorrow, but made motion for us to enter into the hut. Inside, his mother had prepared some food for us. In their tradition, only the invitee and the invited guest sit I the hut to take their meal. So, his mother came in on her knees and washed our hands and then left the food (cassava and beans). The portions were small and I knew that the rest if the family would not be eating. That is when I began to become very aware of my surroundings. I maintained myself, but wanted to cry I was so emotional. I took one bite of the cassava and couldn’t take any more. I could not stand the thought of his sick mother and the rest of the family not taking super. I explained my feelings to Richard and thankfully I do not think he was offended that I did not eat more. His little sister came in and he gave her some little bit to eat and then left the remaining aside (probably for the others after we left).

We washed our hands and then went outside the hut to say goodbye to his family. We walked together to the trading center to catch bodas. Again, we had more time to just visit walk slowly. He became very nervous and upset to learn that I would be leaving soon and questioned how we would be able to remain friends. I ensured him that we would be able to remain in contact. He informed me that he has recently gotten email, though I don’t believe he knows how to type. At minimum, I will be able to call him and he can call me if he needs. As we reached the trading center I informed him that I would pay for his boda and gave him enough for his transport to and fro. He said the very familiar Acholi “sure,” and I ensured him sure. Acholi people do not show emotion, but for one instant I could see in Richards eyes a very heart felt and understood thank you. We said our goodbyes and I told him to let me know when her had reached Keyo safely.

On my way home I was very quiet and did not carry on the normal conversation with my boda driver. In deep reflection of the evening I became very emotional and enlightened on what had just taken place. I witnessed probably the most humbling experience of my life. I saw a family that was struggling to not only to educate their children, but also to just feed themselves. Richard does not even eat while he is at Keyo. He cannot afford food and so he just takes drinks such as tea or mango juice. The realization came that what I had spent earlier that day on souvenirs for my family and friends was more than an entire term of education and food for Richard (127,700 schillings = $50). I started to think back of the different times I have wasted or misspent $50...countless. I very quickly was humbled to recognize the many blessings and fortunes I have been blessed with in my life.

As I reached home, I bought some airtime and called mom. I really needed to share with someone how I was feeling, but the tears just a started a flowing. It is very difficult to words the feelings and thoughts I was experiencing. I was just overwhelmingly grateful for the blessings I had received in my life and so conscious of the hardships of Richard’s family. Even before sharing with mom my decision to pay the rest of Richard’s school fees for this year, I was very touched to hear mom bring it up as something we could do. I am very grateful to her and my father for the example of giving they have always been in my life. What is so hard about my decision is that it is only helping one of how many other students? I know well that Richard’s story is not unique and there are many other students and families who are suffering under the same circumstances.

Skipping to the next day at school and visiting with Richard about my decision.

Richard was on his way back to his hut in Keyo center and so I decided to accompany him. While walking I was able to visit with him about what I had witnessed at school this morning. While I was working on this entry, one of the teachers brought in a girl and her mother. The girl was thrown to the floor and I knew that there was going to be a caning. As the teachers started joking I decided that I could not handle it and closed my computer and left the room. I sat outside the staff room, but still could her the strokes and cries as they caned her. At the time I was visiting with Daniel and I had to even leave away far enough not to hear what was happening. At that time, I was able to visit with Daniel a bit about caning. I asked if he had ever been caned and he told me about his most severe caning. He was a senior two student here at Keyo and one of the boys called a teacher a name. All of the senior two boys were lined up in front of the staff room and caned. What made this story more horrifying was that they were caned nigh a senior four boy. There were over 150 boys that were caned that day by a fellow student. I asked Daniel why the student was chosen and if he was forced. He said that he was not forced, but that the boy enjoyed it and that the teachers thought he would hit the other boys harder. Daniel said that the other students and teachers were all watching just laughing and provoking. I could not believe the words he was telling me. He said that it hurt so bad that time that he even cried himself. He said he never felt more embarrassed in his life. I felt so bad for him.

So I was asking Richard why they do it, because I know that it is outlawed by the government. He said that it is allowed when a parent is present and gives permission and amount of strokes. It made since why I saw the mother and the severity of this mornings beating. He told me of his most painful caning experience. He was in primary seven and had just went to the relieve himself at the toilette. The teacher that spotted him thought he was skipping and did not allow him to explain. He was taken into the staff room and caned by a man described as from another part of Uganda (another tribe). Richard explains he was beaten so badly because this man was not of the same tribe. He said it was not discipline, but abuse or tribalism. I just don’t understand really. I understand that parents at home may use caning for discipline, but I don’t believe it has a place in the schools. I guess it is just shocking to know that it is illegal without a parent present, yet it continues to happen.

Anyway, back to supporting Richard. We arrived into Keyo center and he needed to grab the goats and go and tie them to graze. It began to rain a bit and so we sought refuge in his hut. There we had a chance to visit more about the circumstances when he was supported financially during his senior one and two. I asked about what was expected of him and such in return. He told me about the work he would complete for the man and the expectation he had to provide him with his marks from school. Once I built a good base, I told him that I would like to finishing paying for his senior five year. Again, it is hard for them to show their emotion, but the calm-humble look on his face I could see that my offering was something heaven sent. We talked of what I would expect of him in return and I asked him to write up a letter-contract sharing with me what he would do as well as his personal and professional goals in life. I am very happy with my decision and the added support of my parents. I know that this will change his life and that his entire family will benefit. As I sat there I came to truly understand the hymn, “Because I have been given much, I too must give. I cannot see another’s lack, and I not share. My glowing fire, my loaf of bread, my roofs safe shelter over head...” I am very thankful and look forward to friendship/mentorship that I will share with Richard.

Remaining amount for term 2: 30,200

Senior five term 3 fees: 125,200

Supplies required by school: 44,600

Total: 200,000 schillings

Experience that will change my life: Priceless

Yesterday I decided that I wanted t make some new friends and that I wanted to go and see the dorms where some of the students stay. Keyo is not a boarding school, but many parents have arranged to have some of their children stay here at the school. Well, needless to say their dorms are a little less than par. There are any where between 35 - 60 boys staying in one room. If there are bunk beds, they are stacked edge to edge with no space to walk between, only across the end. If there are no bunk beds, then the foam mats are just placed on the ground. Some of the boys will sleep two to one bed. It was fun to visit them in their dorms. They were excited o show me their area and their belongings. I took pictures and just sat and visited with them for some time. I met Patrick there. He is a senior four student and is the 2^nd of eight children in his faily to be able to go to school. We passed the primary school on our way back and saw them preparing for a cultural dancing competition. As we walked back, he told me about his family and educational goals. We then talked about their breakfast they take each morning. So this morning I came early to take porridge with the students. That was an experience! All the students had huge smiles and laughter on their faces as they saw me standing in line with them for porridge. It turned out to be really good actually. Yesterday, the girls described it as mixing wheat flour with water and then pouring that mixture into boiling water and that was it. It turned out to be just like cream of wheat an even had sugar in it! I actually really liked it and I am going to see if Carol will make it for us one morning. We go our porridge and just sat and visited again. Patrick seems like a great student and I really enjoyed visiting with him. He shared with me that after school at 5 they will return tot he dorm and change. At 5:30 super is served back at the school and at 7:30 they begin their prep period till 10:00. They then return home and he says he will sleep till midnight and then he will wake up and study for a couple of hours and then sleep again only for s few hours before he rises around 5 AM. He says that he is studying like this to get ready for the big exam next week for all senior fours. It was drizzling a bit after breakfast and so they did not have morning parade. So instead I was visiting with James (the teacher on duty this week). I asked him if all students were like Patrick and he shared with me some disturbing news that I don’t really believe. He says that some students may, but he has something out against Patrick. He said that he was one of the most undisciplined students at Keyo and that he was on a list to be dismissed soon. James told me that Patrick was lying about waking up to study as he thinks he is one of the lowest performing students. He says that he is often caught infringing the school rules and has immoral problems. It really was so saddening to me to hear that from James. I don’t blame James, but more the system. There is very little teacher to student relationships. I feel bad that that is the way he feels about Patrick. If he truly has those problems, then I look at it as an opportunity to help him and provide mentorship and counseling, and Ugandan teachers see him as a problem that needs to be dismissed from the school and indirectly denied access to an education. These students would really benefit from a guidance counselor and the mentorship that occurs between some students and teachers back home. I would be nowhere had I not received the mentorship and counseling of many of my teachers and professors.

With more teacher involvement in the lives of the students I think this would lead to less discipline problems. Take for example. Yesterday was the first day we returned to school after the lightning accident and I was shocked to see that they did not begin with an assembly or at least make mention of it at morning parade. No support or anything was provided to grieving students. Instead, all the late comers were sorted off before morning parade and required to slash the grass for the first period. There were only about 100 students who were lined up on time, leaving over 300 to be sorted off as late comers. I just thought it was ironic that on the first morning back they were punished instead of comforted. I was even more disturbed that the two teachers on duty did not see to understand or even ask why the students were late. I understand that boarding students have no excuse of lateness, but others coming from home may have a different story. Many of them have no parents and are raising their younger siblings themselves. Maybe something went wrong that morning doing the chores or getting the younger siblings to primary school. I know that some were just lazy and late, but I do not think that is the case across the board. I also recognize it is difficult to make that judgment call and punish some while not the others, but I feel that they could do more to understand the reasons of truancy here in Uganda. Another example of black pants. So, the student uniform includes blue slack pants, not black. Today, the teachers on duty went through the classrooms and any student wearing black instead of blue were removed form the classroom. Again, their punishment was slashing grass on the compound for over an hour. No inquiry was made to determine why the students were not in the required blue pants. Again, I do recognize that some are just being truant, but what of the others? I am sure they only own one pari and perhaps they had torn, were dirty, there was an accident, etc. There could be more done to understanding the individual student and their individual needs here in Uganda.

Village Woman

This poem describes what I see each and everyday on my way out to Keyo...love it!

Village Woman

Look at the woman,

Tired, hungry baby

Clinging to her back,

And she herself so tired

She drags her legs,

The firewood, bundled on her head,

Weighs heavily,

But still she trudges on.

Her skin, once smooth and lovely,

Is now muddied and dark

Her clothes are dusty and torn,

Her feet dirty and cracked.

The child cries.

With parched throat but gentle voice

She sings a soothing song.

She refuses to pity

Her aching, burdened back,

A back that has submitted to the hoe

For hours on end.

Neither old, nor ugly

She is gentle, tireless and brave.

When she reaches home

She fetches water from the well.

Lights the fire, prepares the food. There is more work in the fields

Till the sun sets.

Dear God! When will she rest?

~David Mwenga

Lightning

Friday night after the conference, we went out to eat at Cedars (the greatest Lebanese food ever). Just as we were finishing our meal, I got a call from the Reverend. Instantly I could tell from his voice something was wrong. Three of our students at Keyo had been struck my lightning. Two of the girls died there on the spot, and the third was being treated at Lacor Hospital. I guess the three girls (all close friends) had been out at the well behind the school and were caught in the rain. They were struck as they were venturing back to their dormitory. My heart just sank as the Reverend told me the news. I heart hurts for the their families and the other students at Keyo. I am very grateful for the knowledge I have of God’s plan for us on this earth and pray that the families and students will be blessed with this same knowledge and comfort at this difficult time.

The Road to Keyo

Each morning as I ride out to Keyo on the back of my boda, I find my self often in prayer and reflection. I love the opportunity to be out on the open road (trail) in the pristine serenity of the Ugandan country side. As we pass several primary schools, I am thankful for education and the empowerment it is bringing to these beautiful young children. As we pass women with their children on their backs and their farming hoes on their shoulders, I am thankful for the strong work ethic these women have and their desires to pay the way of their children through school. I think of my own mother and the work she does on our farm and I am grateful for her example. As we pass the Mzee (old wise man) sitting under the tree, I am thankful for the life he has had and recognize the excruciating hard work of his life that is evident in his worn face and hands. As we reach Keyo, I am grateful to see the children at the well. I am grateful to see even they have a crucial part in the survival of their families. As we arrive at Keyo SS, I am grateful to see my students lining up for morning parade. I see their willing attitudes to obey their leaders and their devotion to God and their country. Heck, I am even thankful for Denis and the african aroma the entire way to Keyo!

Shoes

So one of the next disheartening things that has happened to me is a story of shoes. I finished early one day at school and I headed toward the center of Keyo to find a boda. To do so, we have to walk through the campus of the primary school. As I passed one of the little girls, she stopped me and asked me if she could have my shoes! I just looked at her with a distraught look and said, “I don’t think so.” It was so hard to refuse such a precious face. Couple thoughts on this experience. Damn those people who are handing out free things in developing nations. It is not sustainable! I mean, thank you for having a charitable heart, but give them something that lasts. I often think if the fish parable. “Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and feed him a lifetime.” The one thing that I have learned and witnessed here in Uganda is the importance of sustainability in development work. I look at a lot of things now through that lens. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the many great NGO’s that are here doing great things, but when we hand out freebies, we create people who are dependent and not independent.

Discipline

Discipline

There are several things that I have been noting in my notebook (no pun intended) that I need to update on. First, the mode of discipling the students here in Uganda. It is called caning. Basically the student is brought to the staff room or out in the common area before the students. They are humiliated verbally, then commanded to get down into plank position and then they are whipped three times with a reed. I am not sure really how to process the whole thing yet. When it is done in the staff room, especially right in front of where I am sitting, I cringed with every stroke. What hurts me the most is the watching the face of the student being caned. There is no fear and no sadness and that is what scares me the most. Their sternness reflects the mentality that has developed in this country through the effects of the conflict. It is as if they do not feel pain nor do they acknowledge what is happening to them, but you can see the anger just fueling when you look in their dark eyes during the experience. One day that anger we explode and in no doubt it will be in form of opposition to authority. I think this is evident in the LRA and the past twenty years o conflict. I fear most for these boys future families. Will they express this anger against their spouses? Their kids? I don’t know. It’s scary. Morgan and I made friends with a boy in the street the other night and I asked why he was not at home with his family and he responded that his was scared to go home. His uncle was there and he had been drinking. Seriously the most distressful thing I have heard yet in Uganda. This boys home was not a refuge for him but a place of terror and fear. Again, I count my many blessings for the safe home, church and community in which I was raised. There is limited help here. Students and people in general have not place to go where they can have help understanding-expressing their anger. Counseling is not available in schools nor in public settings. It is sad. The large majority of the public is practicing Christian and I hope they are receiving the adequate relief and hope in their places of worship.

Denis my Boda

Tonight I am again overwhelmed with a feeling that I do not know how to described in words, but I have to write down my feelings. Denis, my boda boda driver, invited Lauren and I over for dinner and o meet his family. Lauren was not feeling well and so I ended up going by myself to his home. Hi lives with his wife, Jane, and their two kids in a small hut in a compound with his extended family. Denis took me into his home and we just sat and visited for a few minutes and then his wife came in. She immediately knelt down and greeted me. It was so sweet. Her voice calm and quiet, but with a smile that was priceless. She came back a few minutes later with Judicia (6 year old girl) and Johnny Evan (1 year old boy). Seriously the worlds two cutest kids. We had a beautiful dinner of chicken, malaquin, rice, boo and other Acholi specialties. After dinner, Judicia sat in my lap and fell asleep. Soon after, Dennis put her in her bed and we stepped outside. Jane was bathing Evan and it was so funny to watch him scream and play in the little bathing pale. Afterwards, we just sat and took it all in. We visited and Jane began to wash the dishes and some clothes. It is all done just there in the dirt using washing pans and water brought from the well in jeri cans. There life is just so simple and easy. I almost came to tears as I sat there holding Evan asleep and watched their family carry on with their lives. I felt fear for Denis’ children. I felt fear for Denis and his efforts to provide for his little family. I then reflected and said a little prayer and was comforted by the spirit to know that they would be watched after. Even though they have nothing and Denis can hardly pay for Judicia‘s schooling, they are happy. They are together as a family and surrounded by the ones they love. After spending several hours on the front step of hi hut, Denis walked me through their village towards my home. He was grinning ear to ear as he greeted his neighbors and others in the center of the village. He was so proud to show off his mazungu friend. I am equally happy to have friends like Denis in Gulu and really can not wait to bring my wife back here one day and introduce her to everyone. Francis also lives their in the same compound as Denis. I guess they are brothers/cousins. He is the one that I found originally, but when he could not take me early in the mornings he referred me to Denis. He is awesome as well. I took a picture with him and his daughter and then I asked where his wife was. He pointed across the compound to a woman and I told him to have her come over for a picture. She came over and said hello, but did not want a picture. A few minutes later, another woman came strolling up. I asked who she was and Francis is like, “ah that is my other wife.” I looked at him with a grin and just said, “m’kay.” It was a lot of fun and I am so happy I had this opportunity tonight.

Bacterial Infection

Note to self: try to avoid bacterial infections when visiting third worlds. The last two days have been a bit miserable. Yesterday I felt like I was buried alive again under 12 feet of sand. I say again, because I felt a lot like I did when I had dengue fever in Thailand two summers ago. Pablo and I paid a visit to the clinic yesterday to have a blood test to make sure it wasn’t malaria and thank goodness it is not. The clinic actually turned out to be very nice and clean. To draw blood, the technician used a fourteen gauge needle to poke my finger and then just dabbed the glass slide to my finger. Not going to lie, made me a little nervous for staff infection. At least Pablo and I both got clean (new) needles! Anyway, not a lot new this week except for being sick since Monday. This past weekend we visited the rhino sanctuary which was awesome! We only got to see three rhinos, but it was really neat to see them in the wild and the fact that we hiked for like thirty minutes to see them made it really feel safari-ish. The sanctuary was started by a South African family in he mid two thousands and is the only location throughout Uganda that has rhinos. The last wild rhino was poached in 1984 during the conflict. Today, the sanctuary has 11 rhinos. Next weekend is our actual safari and I am so excited to see giraffes! By far my favorite African animal. Teaching has been going well the past two weeks. We have our READ conference this weekend and I am excited for Silvio and Alex to come and network with the other North American and partner teachers. I have to say North American now because we have three Canadians now with our group who came with group 2. So we are now 30 teachers in 11 schools. Seems small, but it is a pretty significant impact on theirs and our own ideologies of teaching. I can’t believe we only have two and a half weeks left here in Uganda! This summer has definitely gone too fast. I am excited to spend some time at home before going back to Texas, but I will be super sad to leave these amazing people. The Ugandan people are much like the Thai and I feel like I have made another home here among these people. I can’t wait to return one day and share my experiences/friends with my family one day.